No Pants

Scene: Winter morning in a master bedroom.  Momma is getting dressed after her shower: underwear, long sleeve shirt, sweater and jeans. Big Dog Chunk and Little Dog Buck are on Momma’s bed. LDB is laying down with his eyes closed.  BDC is laying down with his head up, watching M put on her socks.

BDC: Momma, why do you wear clothes?

M: Well, it’s winter and it’s cold outside.  I don’t have a fur coat like you, buddy.

BDC: Yeah, my coat is comfy. So are we going outside? Like... For a walk?

LDB’s ears perk up, eyes open, and he sits up on the bed.

LDB: Walk?!

M: Maybe this afternoon.  I have a lot of work to do and my deadline is tomorrow.

Momma heads downstairs, the dogs follow her down.  She sets up her laptop on the table in the dining room. Bucky lays down in a patch of sunlight in the front room.  Chunk sits next to Momma’s chair. Momma starts typing…

BDC: So clothes.  Are they nice to wear?

M: Sure, I guess.  They’re more functional than comfy.

BDC: Why not wear all comfy stuff?

M: Well, some of it is comfy. Fluffy sweaters are comfy. Fluffy socks too, until I step in a puddle of your drool, Chunk. (Chunk smirks)

BDC (tilts his head): What clothes aren’t comfy?

M: Well, jeans aren’t usually comfy.  These are a little stretchy, so they’re more comfy than most jeans, but still not as good as, say, jammies or a dress.

BDC: So those jeans aren’t comfy?

M: I wouldn’t say comfy, no.

BDC: So take em off and be comfy Momma.

M: Well, what if I have to get the boys from school, or if we get a package.  I have to be presentable… (Momma looks thoughtfully in the distance, imagining a world without pants)

There’s a rumbly noise in the driveway.  It stops and Daddy comes in the front door.

D: Hey honey!  I forgot my laptop at home this morning and I didn’t realize until I got to work.  It’s a slow day in the office so boss man is letting me work from home. We’re coworkers today!

M: That’s great! Pull up a chair!

D finds his laptop and sets it up opposite Momma on the dining room table. BDC hasn’t left M’s side. LDB is bringing toys to D.

M: Honey?

D: Yeah?

M: If someone comes to the door, could you get it for me?

D: Uh, you’re right there, but sure if you need me to get the door, it won’t be a problem.

M: And if I need you to get the kids from school?

D: Whatever you need. Why?  What’s up?

Momma gets up from the table, heading for the stairs.

M (smiling): No pants!

D (half smiling): Ok..?

Momma heads upstairs, randomly shouting “No pants!”

D looks at BDC.

D: What was that about? (playing tug of war with LDB)

BDC: I just want Momma to be comfy. When she’s comfy, she’s happy.

D (nodding): And when Momma’s happy, everyone’s happy.  (looks appraisingly at BDC)  You’re a smart dog, Chunk Chunk.

BDC (smiling): I know, Daddy.

BDC heads to the front room, lying down on the warmed patch of sunlit rug LDB recently vacated.